Belief

Preservation

Inquisitive. Cautious. Curious. Veiled playfulness, uncertain about the rules of the game, and unnerved by conflicting messages in the ocean of human interaction. …That’s what I see when I look at the picture of my two-year-old self. As that child grew, wariness morphed into self-protection and preservation. I would have preferred that the outward manifestation had become foresight and restraint. Instead, the key theme was vigilant anger. The most insidious criminal is the inner terrorist, the part of your mind that bullies you or accepts bullying by others. An agitator in your psyche attempts to keep you small by encasing

Reflections

In a recent blog post Shawn Bearden was brave enough to write and share his deeply personal reflection. Now it’s time for me to step up and say, “me too”. His first two paragraphs echo almost word for word thoughts I had from ages 10 to ~40. And that feeling of finally being heard, yes; that was the changing point for me as well. Not the bottom, but the start of change. “Sometime in my early 20s, I thought about my future self. It was a little unsettling that I couldn’t imagine myself after 40-45 years old. It wasn’t that

A Simple Life

I’m learning that the simpler my life is the happier I am. Yet, there is renitent energy. Even while acknowledging my happiness-simplicity experience, there’s something inside me that is resistant to living increasingly simply. What is that element? I can hear the addictive patterns scream out in fear of answering the question. Fear/Addiction: Don’t look closer, don’t inquire. And, God forbid, don’t even think about asking the question about what it means to live a simple life? Me: Why not? Fear/Addiction: Because you might have to give up something? Me: Um, well, isn’t that kind of the point? (In order

Courage & Confidence

I often ask myself why I continue to train for and compete in Ironman events–both half- & full distance. To be honest, it’s a scary question because what if the answer is “I don’t want to”. Then what? The question then becomes whether I’m doing this in order to create an identity to hold on to. But down that rabbit hole is not what this particular post is about. It’s very clear to me that I really enjoy training, being fit, and improving my health–mind, body, and spirit. However, much of my athletic life has been testosterone driven. The underlying

What really matters

Numerically, I’ve lost fitness during the last 4.5 days of full rest while the body eliminated a sinus & lung infection. The timing–transition week between maximum build & beginning of taper leading into Ironman Sweden–wasn’t great. But without creating space for healing, I knew that my health would have deteriorated much further. Thus, an opportunity arose; time for focused spiritual strengthening. In the long run, that’s actually what’s most important to me. Mentally, I feel refreshed and eager to move along the path, which is a joy! (Physically, the body is still regaining its energy stores.) With a positive mindset

Vigilance

I’m feeling on point with my training. Healthy, even. Body, mind, spirit. Does that mean everything is perfect? Definitely not. Development is a process. Vigilance, commitment, and consistency are key. Admittedly, sometimes I want to throw them out the window. Actually, sometimes I do, but then, like a kid after a temper tantrum, I go and pick them up again. Why do I get fed up, and why do I return? Those are questions I’ve inquired into a lot. It’s just so damn much work at times. But I can’t not do it. Occasionally, when I’m listening, Grace reminds me

Sunrise

Today’s workouts followed yesterday’s Sacred Rest Day. Time for spirit is a regular part of everything I do because it instills energy into mind and body. Simply, it allows me to get more out of the easy, endurance, and intensity work with the body, while maintaining a strong mind in order to support the consistent work. Being at peace and connected to spirit helps me explore aspects of mind and body that would otherwise go unnoticed or undiscovered. Today: * Run: endurance + intensity. * Strength conditioning. * Bike: endurance watts on the flats & climbing. Yesterday: * A sunrise

Energy

Energy. What is it? If you ask an athlete, the reply might be that it’s the stuff that moves the muscles allowing for exercise. This person might even explain that it is the ATP generated by our mitochondria (or more accurately, the potential energy stored in the ATP). …Someone else could say that it’s the power that allows lights, heaters, and air conditioners to work. …A physicist might take it further by explaining that energy–whether it be thermal, radiant, or kinetic–is the ability to do work. All this is quite true. But I experience it as something very kinaesthetic, both corporeal

Gratitude

I’ve been quite silent lately. It’s been clear that I’ve needed to write about gratitude, but I haven’t felt super grateful. Well, I have in some areas of my life, and not in others. Gratitude is defined as “the state of feeling appreciative for a kindness which has been granted or given, and (very often) of wanting to give something in return.” It’s the latter half of that description which I wouldn’t have verbalised but do, however, recognise as a key element. When the energy of gratitude is flowing in me I naturally smile, relax, and feel whole, while also

The Inner Fire

My entire life has been about connecting to, or perhaps the search for, the inner fire. What drives me? What sustains me? What keeps me going? Since early childhood I’ve felt drawn to superheroes. Spiderman was my favourite. I also identified with the Hulk’s internal rage, although I’ve never achieved the raw strength he embodied–maybe that’s a good thing. Included in the metaphor was most definitely a desire for escape from my environment. (Notice the transformation theme in both of these heroes.) But there was also the yearning to connect with my internal strength, energy, awareness, clarity, balance and wisdom.