Clarity

Non-state

Occasionally it’s clear… The world seems a dream. Not solid, as hitherto experienced, believed. Fantasies in temporary wonderland. The entire contents, nothing more than theatre. Thoughts, once believed themselves distinct, now witnessed preposterous. Form boundaries fade, translucent space alive. The mirage is witnessed. Activity without involvement, cogitation unnecessary. Same events as before, but no person to believe himself the performer. Sacred Mirage The cord is not fully cut. Illusions of separateness remain, comparing past to present. But the deception is glimpsed. …the entire fantasia of a slowly fading dream. ❝ If something was fictitious, it never existed. It was never

CGM

I’ve been using a continuous glucose monitor (CGM) for three weeks. Although I’ve only scratched the surface, some patterns are emerging that allow me to plan interventions and observe their effects. • Week 1: Just watch and document without changing anything.• Week 2: Become more acutely aware of the effects of foods, exercise, and their timing in order to attune mental and physical sensations with objective data.• Week 3: Start testing various interventions. As someone with a history of an eating disorder, I was concerned about monitoring food intake*. I feared falling into a cycle of attempted control. But I

Peace

❝ Peace is not in the hall. It is in the repose of the Self. It can be gained anywhere.❞~Sri Ramana Maharshi This quote is, for me, more than a nice thought. It’s a bit of guiding principle. The past many weeks have been dreary and dark—literally and figuratively. My mental, emotional, and physical dispositions have been rather low. The reasons are multi-faceted. Thankfully, I’ve spent years building a collection of tools to support myself in situations like this. It includes reaching out to others; I can’t make it on my own anymore, nor do I wish to try any

Thoughts

~~~ Thoughts affect our experience. Thoughts are the construct of and components begetting Who we believe ourself to be. This individual-I is transient. It’s fabrication and composition disappear during sleep. Upon awakening the ego restarts. There is a deeper existence. A lasting experience untouched by the vagrancies of mind. It is the substructure. ~~~ ❝ There must be a seer and thinker for even the practice [of seeing God in all]. Who is he?❞ ~Sri Ramana Maharshi Namaste, ✌️ ∙ 🌱 ∙ 🙏

Loaf-ness

The individual ‘I’ exists only as thought,a conceptual separation from One. Personality exists as colour in a rainbow,always an expression of the entirety. Sap, sweet on the tongue,carries its tree-ness. Bread, newly baked,suffuses its loaf-ness in air. ❝ The body’s movements are confounded with ‘I’ and misery is the result. Whether the body works or not, ‘I’ remains free and happy. The ajnani’s* ‘I’ is the body only. That is the whole error. The jnani’s** ‘I’ includes the body and everything else. Clearly some intermediate entity arises and gives rise to the confusion.❞~Sri Ramana Maharshi, Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi

Being Here Now

For decades my best friend has patiently challenged me to look deeper into in the following questions, and to glean lessons found therein: Is this really how you want to interact with the world and those around you? Is this who you want to be? Is this actually what’s important to you? To give some context, throughout my childhood and most of my adult life, I was a very angry person who pushed people away by being rather prickly. My method of surviving the internal chaos was to construct barriers, keeping people away thereby decreasing the influx of stimuli. I

The Experience

The seer is not separate from that which is seen.That which is seen is both the seer and the seeing. ❝ Because you imagine that you are the seer separate from the experience, this difference arises.Experience shows that your being is the same all through.❞~Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi, “Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi” Namaste,✌️ ∙ 🌱 ∙ 🙏

Stress — Bliss

When I pass from this earthly life, what will happen to the stress I have carried with me? Presumably, it disappears because there is no ‘me’ remaining to experience ‘my’ stress. If indeed that’s the case, must I endure disquietude and anxiety even now? As I sit quietly, tracing the various threads that give rise to stressful thoughts, I notice that they are actually rather amorphous in nature. I don’t deny or belittle their existence, but I question the solidity and the importance to which my mind anoints them. Looking closer, I observe that these thoughts, and the angst to

Right As Rain

Life is incredibly full. I just have to slow down enough to experience it. When I sit quietly listening to the rain, watching leaves dance in the droplets and noticing the changes in the ebbs and flows of intensity, all the purpose in the world is present and accounted for. Within this space, I hear an invitation to give up my constant pursuit of whatever it is I think I’m looking for and instead just notice what’s already and always present, even as I engage in ‘daily life’. We, humans, are a curious animal. We seek reason for which something

Chapters

It’s time for me to transition, again. My plan, when I came to Catalonia in Dec. 2019, was to live in a small town for eight months while training, racing, and looking for a house to purchase and where I’d put down roots. “The best-laid plans…” I depart, characteristically, with mixed emotions. There’s excitement for a new chapter based on the aforementioned theme, this time in my Nordic homeland where the scent of forest peat is strong and the bird song is familiar. There’s a sadness to leave what started to feel like home in both familiarity and in developing

Now

The past wanes in fading memories. The future eludes with uncertainty. The present is all that truly exists. Thus, the smart investment is in Now. Recollections can be fun and heartwarming. But they can also lead me to negative rumination. Deliberation is helpful when making plans. Yet, here too, it easily leans towards anxiety. Only in the current moment am I certain to find reality and peace… if I’m open to being it. It’s this stillness that is the place of greatest action… if I’m aware enough to allow it. ❝ There is neither past nor future. There is only

Accountability of Process

In a recent post-workout comment to my coach, I wrote that I got through it thanks to accountability—to myself, to the process, and to him. I could say that something similar is true for most days right now. I’ve been in Spanish lockdown confinement for over seven weeks. Because I live alone, this means that my only interactions have been once or twice a week when visiting the small, weekly market to purchase fresh produce or a health food store for other items. And since I don’t speak Catalan or Spanish there’s been no dialogue. For the first five weeks,

Conscious Connection

Pre-dawn and daybreak are special times of day for me. There’s a feeling of love, connection and quiet that allows me to more fully resonate with the subtle energies and hear the singing birds. Over the past couple of weeks, out of solidarity and concern, my neighbour and I have taken to waiving and greeting each other, “Bon dia.” During these magical moments, I actively soak in life’s vitality, knowing that it will support me during the coming twenty-four hours. This is especially important during my extended isolation in lockdown. I often think and dream about being in a different

Real—Unreal

This morning I climbed onto a ledge and sat in the first rays of sunshine to drink tea and read. The chapter, entitled ‘Creation theories and the reality of the world’, contains Sri Ramana’s answers to questions regarding our enigma with the waking and dream worlds, and our difficulty in coming to terms with which world, if either, is real and which is unreal. It’s a subject upon which I’ve never felt I could get any grasp, and not for lack of trying. But this morning’s musings were set on the backdrop of comments made virtually between friends these past

The Questions

Every day starts the same for me—lockdown or not.Meditation, reading, then asanas & stretches with a bit of chanting. Not much changes when looking solely at the routine. Likewise, while confined to my own residence, not much changes in my immediate surroundings either: inside trainer ride when it’s raining, outside trainer ride when it’s not. But just as the outer world moves along with constant change, so too does the inner world. The tendencies of the mind are always in flux: how my body feels, my mood, my energy level, stress and fatigue levels, and desires or lack thereof. I