Gratitude

No Separation – No Opposition

We humans divide existence into things, feelings, and ideas. We then separate them from each other by believing them to be independent parts. What we misunderstand or, more precisely, misrepresent in this process, is that there is no inherent separation. It is a mental projection that leads to discontent and internal noise. We believe in ‘I’ and ‘You’ and we fiercely protect that which we deem to be ours for fear of loss. In non-separation there is silence because we know that all is one and regard all equally. “All things, all bodies, all organisms, are from the same source

Sanctuary

Nothing about the spot in front of this fireplace ever gets old. It’s certainly a safe place for me, but what else? While talking with my coach about movement patterns I shared that “I get wound up easily.” To counter this, I need to be as conscious as possible to move in exactly the opposite way, chill. I’ve spent my life investigating what this means. At first I thought it was about how I ‘acted’. It became painfully evident that there was more to it—something much deeper inviting, calling and guiding. It was a bit like seeing an object out

Simplicity

❝ I have little to no interest in extreme mystical states—I have enough on my hands chopping wood and carrying water. I would be truly disappointed if some mystical shortcut bypassed these kind of efforts. I think I like to plod along and rub shoulders with the mundane, with its subtle surprises.❞ This quote is by a very dear friend who has a knack for clearly expressing small mysteries. For years I scaled back the amount of stuff I owned or travelled with. I needed to declutter. A lot of it had to do with cleaning house internally—mind, body, spirit.

Infinite Pause

Occasionally, clarity presides. For me, it happens most often when sitting quietly in or after meditation. Life, in its wondrous simplicity …just …happens. Later, the individual ‘I’, believing itself to be the creator, moves about attempting to orchestrate and manage. This is both true and false at the same time. True because, the separate self creates all manner of illusions in pain and happiness. False, because these veils, overlaid on reality, mislead and complicate unnecessarily. Yesterday, while skiing, it was clear that no thought was required in order to transition the body effectively through the complex array of neural and

Vulnerability

❝ Healing is not born of vanity. It is born of honesty. Honesty is born of pure love. And love is the most divine healer, the sweetest, holiest and most effective.❞ ~Val Kilmer I have no regrets, nor am I embarrassed. I make no excuses, nor do I feel shame. Instead, I hold dear, and strive to uphold in myself, authenticity and honesty. These two take me by the hand and lead quickly to their cousin, vulnerability. It is through this triad that I bear witness to existence, though it’s not always painless. Why is raw openness often uncomfortable? Perhaps

Sediment

I wish I could figure out my cycles of anxiety so that I could better mitigate and manage them. I have origin theories but nothing concrete. Yesterday morning, the quietness inside was conspicuous. As the day progressed, however, I could feel anxiety building. I suspect that the underlying catalyst was disappointment in a task for which I had high hopes compounded by physical exhaustion that drains my mental and emotional reserves. (Note: The ‘task’ in this case was not the roof about which I’ve recently posted (on IG) and am incredibly proud.) When the waters calm then sediment falls out of

Team Effort

I’m now 55, fit & healthy in mind, body, and spirit. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that life is a team effort. Friends and loved ones are constantly my teachers. They hold a mirror up for me. They support me. I try to do the same for them. Thank you. Love you. Constant self-enquiry. Abiding in the present moment. These reveal the delusion of duality. ❝ The peace and quiet I thought I was experiencing was not really an experience at all. It was my own real nature. It was what I always am. ❞ ~Nothing Ever Happened Vol. 3: Papaji Biography.

Space

I often marvel at Nature’s beauty and process, the interweave of all living beings. I shake my head with a smile at how fortunate I am to own a cabin in this magnificent theatre. Even still, I almost sold the place last week. I became overwhelmed at the enormity of the necessary repairs and my desired improvements. What’s more, I’ll be by myself through most of it. Questioning my interest in spending every free moment with renovations, and with the mounting depth and breadth of every single step, I began to feel that it was better to ‘get out while

Peace

❝ Peace is not in the hall. It is in the repose of the Self. It can be gained anywhere.❞~Sri Ramana Maharshi This quote is, for me, more than a nice thought. It’s a bit of guiding principle. The past many weeks have been dreary and dark—literally and figuratively. My mental, emotional, and physical dispositions have been rather low. The reasons are multi-faceted. Thankfully, I’ve spent years building a collection of tools to support myself in situations like this. It includes reaching out to others; I can’t make it on my own anymore, nor do I wish to try any

Being Here Now

For decades my best friend has patiently challenged me to look deeper into in the following questions, and to glean lessons found therein: Is this really how you want to interact with the world and those around you? Is this who you want to be? Is this actually what’s important to you? To give some context, throughout my childhood and most of my adult life, I was a very angry person who pushed people away by being rather prickly. My method of surviving the internal chaos was to construct barriers, keeping people away thereby decreasing the influx of stimuli. I

Right As Rain

Life is incredibly full. I just have to slow down enough to experience it. When I sit quietly listening to the rain, watching leaves dance in the droplets and noticing the changes in the ebbs and flows of intensity, all the purpose in the world is present and accounted for. Within this space, I hear an invitation to give up my constant pursuit of whatever it is I think I’m looking for and instead just notice what’s already and always present, even as I engage in ‘daily life’. We, humans, are a curious animal. We seek reason for which something

Chapters

It’s time for me to transition, again. My plan, when I came to Catalonia in Dec. 2019, was to live in a small town for eight months while training, racing, and looking for a house to purchase and where I’d put down roots. “The best-laid plans…” I depart, characteristically, with mixed emotions. There’s excitement for a new chapter based on the aforementioned theme, this time in my Nordic homeland where the scent of forest peat is strong and the bird song is familiar. There’s a sadness to leave what started to feel like home in both familiarity and in developing

Rejuvenation

91 days. As of this writing, I’ve survived fifty-three days in solitary lockdown and thirty-eight days in phased de-escalation. At first, I welcomed the opportunity for deep internal work that sequestration provided. I had just returned from Arunachala in Tiruvannamalai, Tamil Nadu, India; a trip that included opening experiences I’d sought for decades. However, as time without face to face communication and zero human physical contact increased, life energy drained from my batteries, and my ability to cope waned. When we citizens were once again allowed to go outside, albeit only in very short and pre-determined time slots, we felt

Conscious Connection

Pre-dawn and daybreak are special times of day for me. There’s a feeling of love, connection and quiet that allows me to more fully resonate with the subtle energies and hear the singing birds. Over the past couple of weeks, out of solidarity and concern, my neighbour and I have taken to waiving and greeting each other, “Bon dia.” During these magical moments, I actively soak in life’s vitality, knowing that it will support me during the coming twenty-four hours. This is especially important during my extended isolation in lockdown. I often think and dream about being in a different

Portal

What an odd experience it is to be sequestered, to be in lockdown. I’m certain that we all feel some level of frustration, uncertainty, helplessness, and/or inquiry into one, or many, dimensions of our central, global coronavirus motif. Admittedly, my biggest challenge is the same now as always, not to be overly occupied with beliefs on various topics. Perhaps that’s why I keep returning to the theme of holding space for insight and change. Humorously, even this is based on my own viewpoints. Notwithstanding, I step into the enquiry: can this time be a catalyst for a shift in the