Health

Sediment

I wish I could figure out my cycles of anxiety so that I could better mitigate and manage them. I have origin theories but nothing concrete. Yesterday morning, the quietness inside was conspicuous. As the day progressed, however, I could feel anxiety building. I suspect that the underlying catalyst was disappointment in a task for which I had high hopes compounded by physical exhaustion that drains my mental and emotional reserves. (Note: The ‘task’ in this case was not the roof about which I’ve recently posted (on IG) and am incredibly proud.) When the waters calm then sediment falls out of

Team Effort

I’m now 55, fit & healthy in mind, body, and spirit. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that life is a team effort. Friends and loved ones are constantly my teachers. They hold a mirror up for me. They support me. I try to do the same for them. Thank you. Love you. Constant self-enquiry. Abiding in the present moment. These reveal the delusion of duality. ❝ The peace and quiet I thought I was experiencing was not really an experience at all. It was my own real nature. It was what I always am. ❞ ~Nothing Ever Happened Vol. 3: Papaji Biography.

Adaptation

❝ Zone 3 is too much pain for too little gain.❞ Let’s tease this apart a bit to gain more understanding. • Zone 3, in a five-zone exercise intensity model, is the workload often called ‘tempo’ or ‘threshold work’, meaning that the intensity is just below Ventilatory Threshold 2 (VT2) and the Anerobic Threshold (AnT), which is the approximate boundary between zone 3 and zone 4. Above VT2/AnT is where interval sessions are typically done. • Pain refers to more than just the sensation of experience; it’s the overall cost to the body: i.e. substrate (fuel) utilisation, tissue health, overall

Even if…

Even if you’re only doing what’s fun, it’s still 𝙙𝙤-𝙞𝙣𝙜.Enjoying one’s work is not permission to continually extract.Fallow & replenishment are necessary. Nature has day and night, cold and warm, wet and dry, and four seasons for a reason. Humans have a multitude of circadian rhythms. We can work with them or, to our peril, fight them. In a podcast episode entitled Burnout and Renewal, Charles Eisenstein opened up and bared himself. He started by doing what he always does, investigate the substratum of life. In this case, he became the subject of enquiry. Devorah Brous beautifully went down the

CGM

I’ve been using a continuous glucose monitor (CGM) for three weeks. Although I’ve only scratched the surface, some patterns are emerging that allow me to plan interventions and observe their effects. • Week 1: Just watch and document without changing anything.• Week 2: Become more acutely aware of the effects of foods, exercise, and their timing in order to attune mental and physical sensations with objective data.• Week 3: Start testing various interventions. As someone with a history of an eating disorder, I was concerned about monitoring food intake*. I feared falling into a cycle of attempted control. But I

Peace

❝ Peace is not in the hall. It is in the repose of the Self. It can be gained anywhere.❞~Sri Ramana Maharshi This quote is, for me, more than a nice thought. It’s a bit of guiding principle. The past many weeks have been dreary and dark—literally and figuratively. My mental, emotional, and physical dispositions have been rather low. The reasons are multi-faceted. Thankfully, I’ve spent years building a collection of tools to support myself in situations like this. It includes reaching out to others; I can’t make it on my own anymore, nor do I wish to try any

Right As Rain

Life is incredibly full. I just have to slow down enough to experience it. When I sit quietly listening to the rain, watching leaves dance in the droplets and noticing the changes in the ebbs and flows of intensity, all the purpose in the world is present and accounted for. Within this space, I hear an invitation to give up my constant pursuit of whatever it is I think I’m looking for and instead just notice what’s already and always present, even as I engage in ‘daily life’. We, humans, are a curious animal. We seek reason for which something

Rejuvenation

91 days. As of this writing, I’ve survived fifty-three days in solitary lockdown and thirty-eight days in phased de-escalation. At first, I welcomed the opportunity for deep internal work that sequestration provided. I had just returned from Arunachala in Tiruvannamalai, Tamil Nadu, India; a trip that included opening experiences I’d sought for decades. However, as time without face to face communication and zero human physical contact increased, life energy drained from my batteries, and my ability to cope waned. When we citizens were once again allowed to go outside, albeit only in very short and pre-determined time slots, we felt

Death & Rebirth

Each day I endure multiple deaths and rebirths. Deaths to dreams and to opportunities for exploring, experiencing, interacting, and sharing in the world. The rebirths are of hope and hopefulness. My constant aim is to rise out of dystopia and into light, lightness, and loving movement. But bereavement is taxing, and renewal is not without cost. I experience these particular deaths as energy-sucking crises. While not ominous, they can be dark places filled with sadness, even dread. I am aware that this painted image arises from my mind’s predilection for anxiety, a malevolent vortex with which I am far too

Now

The past wanes in fading memories. The future eludes with uncertainty. The present is all that truly exists. Thus, the smart investment is in Now. Recollections can be fun and heartwarming. But they can also lead me to negative rumination. Deliberation is helpful when making plans. Yet, here too, it easily leans towards anxiety. Only in the current moment am I certain to find reality and peace… if I’m open to being it. It’s this stillness that is the place of greatest action… if I’m aware enough to allow it. ❝ There is neither past nor future. There is only

Alive Again

After nearly two months stuck in my flat, I’m back in nature.Breathing forest terpenes.Resonating with bird songs.Refilling energy stores. If given the choice, for my last time on earth, I will always choose even one quiet minute in nature over any number of days, weeks, months or years confined in concrete. …If possible, I’d spend that moment in silence with a close friend. In an episode of “Living the Questions”, Krista Tippett discusses connection (kindred) and disconnection (sequestration). “We draw raw energy from each other, at a primal, animal level, when we are in the room together.” We need to

Accountability of Process

In a recent post-workout comment to my coach, I wrote that I got through it thanks to accountability—to myself, to the process, and to him. I could say that something similar is true for most days right now. I’ve been in Spanish lockdown confinement for over seven weeks. Because I live alone, this means that my only interactions have been once or twice a week when visiting the small, weekly market to purchase fresh produce or a health food store for other items. And since I don’t speak Catalan or Spanish there’s been no dialogue. For the first five weeks,

Conscious Connection

Pre-dawn and daybreak are special times of day for me. There’s a feeling of love, connection and quiet that allows me to more fully resonate with the subtle energies and hear the singing birds. Over the past couple of weeks, out of solidarity and concern, my neighbour and I have taken to waiving and greeting each other, “Bon dia.” During these magical moments, I actively soak in life’s vitality, knowing that it will support me during the coming twenty-four hours. This is especially important during my extended isolation in lockdown. I often think and dream about being in a different

Portal

What an odd experience it is to be sequestered, to be in lockdown. I’m certain that we all feel some level of frustration, uncertainty, helplessness, and/or inquiry into one, or many, dimensions of our central, global coronavirus motif. Admittedly, my biggest challenge is the same now as always, not to be overly occupied with beliefs on various topics. Perhaps that’s why I keep returning to the theme of holding space for insight and change. Humorously, even this is based on my own viewpoints. Notwithstanding, I step into the enquiry: can this time be a catalyst for a shift in the

I Am

The title of this post is a shameless copy from my best mate’s blog post. Dano has a tremendously optimistic view in life, and he’s constantly teaching me to give people the opportunity to shine. Yet, with race and event cancellations, the global pandemic, uncertainty abounding on (too) many levels, and the growing virus on his island paradise even he is feeling that it’s “hard not to have it get to you.” It’s ‘Aloha Friday’ and he wrote about some things for which he’s grateful. As I read his words I could hear his voice in my head, see his

Health

Sediment

Team Effort

Adaptation

Even if…

CGM

Peace

Right As Rain

Rejuvenation

Death & Rebirth

Now

Alive Again

Accountability of Process

Conscious Connection

Portal

I Am

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