To find myself I must be willing to let go of myself and all ideas I have about who that is and who I think I might become.
After willingness is established then the hard part begins, cessation of all doing. The irony is unmistakable—the inherent difficulty of nothingness, in withholding all attempts to perform, produce or arrive at anything. In the words of Carl Jung, to “purposely expose oneself to the danger of being devoured by the monster of the maternal abyss”. *
Awe causes me to stop. As such, it is both a gateway to and the infinite being itself. Divine knowledge reveals itself when there is no more looking past — Now.
Three hinderances to realising true nature are lack of willingness to let go, aversion to standing exposed in Nature, and gazing too far. These convictions are tethers used by the mind to maintain the perception of continuity of change. **
I do not go so far as to counsel against seeking. But I would forewarn that the harder one grasps onto what one ‘thinks’ to be true the more painful will be the stripping away of the bandaid. This holds true for the gross and the subtle, and it cannot be understood antecedently. It is through the tools used for objective experience that one comes to understand their contrivance.
Let the tail chasing continue until there is no more energy nor interest in it. Investigate until all sense of doership is eradicated.
* Note on “Monster of the maternal abyss”
The abyss is commonly seen as scary, dark, deep, containing the unknown and generally to be avoided. What’s interesting is Jung’s use of the word ‘maternal’ which completely changes the chilling chasm to a warm, comforting embrace if one is willing to go there naked, without any beliefs which are themselves what creates the entire illusion of a monster.
** Note on ‘standing exposed’
This process of dismantling has, for me, required radical vulnerability verging on the extreme in order to counter, and rip out, the constructions of an illusory self, lest I lean again on false assumptions that ultimately have been my captors.
❝ The large majority of friends who cannot cease to think in relative terms, even for a short while, are earnestly requested not to dabble with spiritual pursuits. That will spoil even their enjoyment in the phenomenal world. ❞
~Nitya Tripta, Spiritual Discourses of Shri Atmananda
❝ …It’s only for the very few. After a certain stage most other people would be much better off just going back to church and living their collective lives like everyone else. The way is tough; immensely dangerous. ❞
~Peter Kingsley, Catafalque: Carl Jung And The End Of Humanity
❝ Q: How will the mind become quiescent [still]?
A: By the inquiry ‘Who am I?’. The thought ‘Who am I?’ will destroy all other thoughts, and like the stick used for stirring the burning pyre [funeral fire], it will itself in the end get destroyed. Then, there will arise Self-realisation. ❞
~Sri Ramana Maharshi. Nan Yar – Who am I?
This is my personal journey—a soulful sojourn in which I share insights arising in and from self-enquiry. The purpose for writing and sharing is to encourage clarity, to feel more intimately, to be vulnerable—to be real.