Two very special friends have agreed to crew for me at the Ultraman World Championships 2022. I am humbled by them as individuals and that they choose to be a part of this Soulful Sojourn.
Crewing for a three day Ultraman race is a very rewarding job tho not an easy one. It includes very long days full of logistics, food preparation, equipment care, cleanup and, amongst many other things, providing mental and emotional support to the athlete. This allows the competitor to focus on one task—swim, bike, and run 515 kilometres punctuated by eating and a couple of nights of sleep. My commitment to these two gentlemen, and the UM Ohana (family) at large, is to honour them and their Kokua (help) by abiding in and living from Aloha (love) and gratitude even when, perhaps most especially when, in the difficult moments.
Almost immediately after having assembled our team I ran headlong into the immensity of what I’m facing this year. I’ve met this monster before: the first time was when I initially pondered the exciting and frightening challenge of Ultraman; the second time was just before my first UM competition, Ultraman Canada, in Penticton, BC when I was uncertain that my health status would carry me through the event. But the wall of doubt presently in front of me comes from a different place, deep within my psyche. There were nights that I would awake in the darkest hours gripped by anxiety. Thankfully, years of process guided me forward: look straight at what scares me, reach out for help and support, and break it down into bite-size pieces.
“The seeker is he who is in search of himself.”
~Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
Look & Admit
I’ve learned over time that diving into vulnerability isn’t nearly as scary as it’s made out to be in our culture. In fact, I’ve found it to be a source of strength. It does, however, require honesty with oneself and the world, and that can be daunting. But being authentic is far less confusing and draining than hiding behind various character masks. The energy needed to keep those cloaks in place is tremendously costly; I’d rather just them fall away and invest myself in open, honest connection.
“A problem shared is a problem halved.”
~Penan people in Sarawak, Malaysian part of Borneo
Ask & Share
Trusted friends are key to the process of living authentically. That’s where my crew have already stepped up to the plate. In regards to the deep-seated worry that previously resided in my unconscious but which unceremoniously rose into the light of day, one mate helped me take stock in a relaxed manner, the other assured me that I could put the fear to bed. The fact that I’ve laid my cards on the table, in plain sight, means that I need not hide. We move on together, honouring the love, light, peace and truth within ourselves and each other.
“Pursue what’s in your heart, and the universe will conspire to support you.”
~Rich Roll, Finding Ultra
I’m dealing with the apprehension, concern and angst that ascended into my consciousness similarly to how I dealt with the darkness of depression, dividing the unmanageable into manageable chunks. Years ago, when I was struggling to survive, ‘one day at a time’ was far too big to deal with. Only one inhalation or exhalation at a time was workable. In the current situation, I’m quietly enjoying the process of ‘one drop at a time’; every bit I do throughout each day adds to the collection in the bucket—morning meditation and asanas, stretching and mobility, strength work, aerobic conditioning, good nutrition, sleep, etc. It’s both pleasurable and satisfying to focus on each step versus worrying about not having enough in the tank, now or in November.
I’ve accomplished almost everything in my life through sheer force. That doesn’t work for me anymore. It could be argued that it only every sufficed and that the newly emerged daemon is a product of that seasoned tho impaired approach. My chosen method for walking the path now is, I trust, far more compassionate and invigorating. It’s an avenue illuminated by listening and by honouring in others and myself the place where the whole universe resides.
✌️ ∙ 🌱 ∙ 🙏