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Crucible

I often feel disappointed that I can’t push this body as hard as I’d like to do. I question sometimes my ability to achieve some of my athletic goals. But what always stands out is gratitude for learning and experiencing. I inquire, enquire, search and experience; the result is that I’m ultimately thankful for this crucible. I’ve been to the edge of giving up an endurance path. It’s a lot of friggin work and requires a constant commitment to integrity. But my health is ultimately far better than it would have been had I stopped walking this route. Physically, metabolic health has improved dramatically, especially this year. So too, have soft tissue health, mobility and strength. Sure, I’m not the “give er hell” 20/30-something that I once was, but, ya know what, I’m quite ok with that. Mentally and spiritually, I experience (at least some of) the stability and depth that I’ve sought since my teenage years. Emotionally, I think there’s also development. It’s certainly far more positive for myself and those around me than what that ‘Bull in a China shop’ younger self brought to the table. Of course, I feel that there’s plenty of work to do on that front. I look forward to the opportunity of further exploring openness, honesty, and care for another should Life allow partnership in this life again. Until then, I chop wood and carry water, which I’m committed to maintaining, regardless. Social media posts can present a shiny, sun-filled, constant joy. I can assure you that internal turbulence and struggle also exist. But that’s where the habit of practice is immensely supportiveโ€”pause, notice, listen. Anyway, just thought I’d muse a bit. Maybe I felt the need to be vulnerable. Thank you for listening. ๐Ÿค—

How about you?

Namaste,
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